December happenings.....

December has come and mostly gone since I have last written. Which isn't to say God didn't teach me anything in the last four weeks. The hiatus is due mostly to my  unwillingness to sit and reflect on those lessons. Perhaps unwillingness is too harsh a word. Perhaps I should say that in my busy-ness I wasn't making time to reflect. I always tell myself I  will plan better. I will work the plan and the holidays will not be a time of stress. This year I chose to forgo somethings I normally do. But we added a few things. It was inevitable with both girls in school now.  The Lesson has become for me enjoying what we choose to work on and do and letting go of the things that stress us. Below is a bit of a recap of our December... realizing that we had a wonderful, busy and above all blessed month. 

December opened with a return home from Thanksgiving in Chicago. On Monday December 7th Love Bug auditioned for the spring musical - "The Beauty & The Beast". Followed very quickly by the girl's all school holiday concert on Friday. Love Bug's choir sang "O come little children" and "The Friendly Beasts" . She sang the 3rd verse of "The Friendly Beasts" as a solo. She did a wonderful job. I am so amazed by her ability. Bright One's choir sang "Away in the Manger" & "We wish you a merry Christmas."  She did wonderful. Sunday The girl's took part in AUMC's holiday program.  I spent that afternoon working on the "Sparkle Shop" for school before heading to rehearsal for the Christmas ensemble at FMC . I wasn't feeling very well. Upon arriving home after rehearsal I had the chills and a very sore throat. By Monday morning it was obvious I wasn't going to get to help with the Sparkle Shop. A few panicked  calls and I had parents willing to cover me at the school. The Admiral took me to the doc and it turned out I had tonsillitis. I was out of commission for almost a week. During which the Parent fellowship parents ran the "Sparkle shop" for the school's elementary kids to buy gifts for their parents. It was a smashing success. We also did a teacher / staff appreciation lunch at the school in early Dec.Thankfully the tonsillitis cleared up enough for me to sing with the ensemble on Dec 20th. I had so much fun. I really enjoy singing and being part of a group. December 23rd we packed the car and headed for Pennsylvania to celebrate the season with our loved ones there. God is so good and I am grateful for His gifts in our lives.

Caite

PS Love Bug was given a part in the chorus ensemble of the musical and is super excited about it!

Adventures in Hiding

11/28/2009
Yesterday after the circus the family came home, Bright One napped while the rest of us played table games. Then we had dinner at a wonderful little pizza place. Upon arriving home we had some dessert and then something started.... an impromptu game of hide and seek. The girls chasing the Admiral around the house as he changed his hiding place over and over again. Giggles abounded. Soon I decided to join in. I know Love Bug saw me leave the room and put a finger to my lips but she says she didn't know I was playing too. Anyway, I hid in the guest room...they giggled in and out and never even checked beyond the bed. Then I moved to my in-laws walk-in closet, they came in shone their flashlights around... "where can mama be?" and they left. Then I moved to the regular closet in my mother in-law's office... Little girl's coming in to say "we can't find her anywhere!" then leaving without even checking the closet. They had found the Admiral and he was giving suggestions. Off they went to check the basement. I hear Bright One say "I just want my mama back!" I nearly gave myself away with my laugh. So while they checked the basement I moved one last time to Bright One's bed, under her covers. I hear them in the hall as the admiral says "well it is time to get ready for bed." Bright One says "Daddy we can't go to bed without mama!" Then she walks into her room and stands by the bed about 4 inches from me all the while telling her daddy all the reasons she cannot get ready for bed yet. Her sister is trying to tell her to look but she is too busy talking. When she does finally look she is shocked, overjoyed, and hugs me. It was great fun.

Later as I thought about the fun we 'd had it struck me that I am often like Bright One & Love Bug 'looking' for me - when I look for God. I look superficially without digging for truth. The reality or truth was they had passed with in inches of me over and over again. But because they hadn't gone deeper into the room or closet they missed me. Do I miss God because I do not take the time to look deeper? To mine His Word for truth? I think the answer is yes. How often do I miss  being intimate with God because I am too busy talking? Like Bright One 4 inches away from her Mama arguing with Daddy. What precious times we could have if I would just look.

God, help me to be quiet and look for you. Help me dig for your truth. Teach me to look deeper instead of just at the surface of people and lessons. Teach me to hunt for you.

Of Elephants and Trust

          Thanksgiving was a lovely, quiet, and silly day. We talked repeatedly of  what we are Thankful for this year, month, and week. Now Bright One mentions her thankfulness on a regular interval throughout the day. We had family, fabulous food, and fun! Thanksgiving, regardless of its roots, is a wonderful reminder to take stock, give thanks, and be aware of God's blessings in our life.
           Today, Black Friday, did not see me shopping. I do not find shopping a greatly enjoyable experience at the best of times. I like to get new things like the next girl. But I do not like crowds, pressure and frantic feelings. Therefore I was thrilled that Grandpa and Busia had other plans. Today's adventure began with breakfast and then a trip to Chicago's United Center for the Ringling Bros. Barnum & Bailey Circus - The greatest show on Earth. What Fun! We arrived early for the pre-show that involved being on the show floor talking to the clowns as they applied their makeup, seeing the elephants up close and personal as they painted pictures, and watching the high wire artists warm up on the low wire. Great excitement to be up close to the performers, especially the elephants. We found our seats and the clowns went crazy! The two hours flew past in a cascade of action, action everywhere. Often I didn't know where to look because there was action in every part of the arena. They do tricks in one corner of the arena and when they finish you look back the the set has totally changed. There was even an act on the ceiling! Love Bug and Bright One watched and chattered, asking thousands of questions. Love Bug said her favorite part was when they disappeared the elephant . Bright One says her favorite was when they launched the two girls out of a huge double cannon. Although she changes her favorite almost every time you ask her. The circus was wonderful fun!
        During the pre-show there was a huge crowd so The Admiral and Grandpa put the girls up on their shoulders so they could see better. Love Bug was very nervous being on her daddy's shoulders ( He is a very tall guy!). She kept a death grip on  his neck. There was no way the Admiral would have let her fall. But Love Bug didn't trust that fact and therefore spent more time worrying about  falling than watching the neat stuff unfolding before her. I realized I do that with God. Frequently heavenly Father asks me to trust him in what feels uncertain. I spend so much time worrying about the precariousness of the situation that I miss the blessing God intended for me. How many times do we miss the blessings God has for us because we are looking at the circumstances instead of God?

Father teach me to trust you. Teach me to look for your blessings instead of looking at my fears. You are not a God of fear. Help me Lord to trust and seek you in every day and every place.

Feasts, & Fun

Today  there was a grand feast. There were Indians. OH! Excuse me... I was informed there were Native Americans. There were Pilgrims. What makes lunch hour more than just lunch but a FEAST?  Paper bag dressed natives, construction paper pilgrims, determined teachers and willing parents.

Back up to Monday. At ten o'clock in the First grade room apple peels went flying as each first grader learned to use the peeler- corer- slicer.  They measured water, sugar and cinnamon into the crock pot full of apple slices. They stirred the apple slices... the smelled them cooking all day in their classroom.  hmmmmmmmmmm that wonderful appley scent wafting through making everyone hungry. A glance in the Kindergarten room showed flour in the air, on the desk, on the floor, and on several faces from making homemade noodles. Two volunteer mothers are snapping green beans and peeling potatoes. One fifteen in the Pre K room the children gather around Mrs. H and measure milk and corn meal for muffins. Meanwhile I filled a dozen pint jars with heavy whipping cream. When the corn meal muffins were ready to go in the oven each child got a jar. The shaking began.  When you agitate heavy whipping cream long enough... it turns into butter.  Really Good butter.  Those little ones so eager to please were a joy. "Mrs. C Check mine!" " Is it ready yet?" " look at mine!" " I am tired, you shake it" So Mrs H and I would shake theirs for a bit until the child decided we were doing it wrong and took his or her jar back. Eventually we had 12 jars with butter in the bottom of each. We poured off the moisture and chilled the jars so there would be fresh homemade butter for the Feast today. Bright One was very proud that she had turned it into butter ... like magic. The second grade made pies... the whole elementary wing smelled divine. Someone made the turkeys today and the young elementary feasted. It was an event. Tomorrow the upper elementary will feast.

I came home very tired Monday after helping the first grade make applesauce and the Pre K make butter. But satisfied. I can see the draw in teaching. The excitement of Bright One and her classmates as their jars transformed to butter. The joy of Love Bug showing her peers how to peel apples. It was a fun day. Then today when they pile into the car and share about the turkey and all the sides. It was worth the effort to make the memory. What made it grand? The memory does. My girls made the day a wonder by their excitement and willingness to believe in brown bag natives and construction paper pilgrims.


Lord, restore my willingness to supply imagination to each setting and person. That I might see them as you would have me see them. That I would be obedient to your nudges to act when all I see are bags and paper instead of Natives and Pilgrims, Lord Help me see more clearly.

of bravery & tiny teeth....

Saturday was momentous in the household of us. It had been generally a lazy kind of day...sleeping late, for some of us... reading a novel, the girls playing well together. When we finally decided to have lunch we were all very hungry as we had put it off for a very long time. We sat down to our sandwiches and Love Bug couldn't eat. She has been in the process of loosing a lower front tooth for 2 months. The adult tooth is already through the gum behind the baby tooth. There has been large amounts of discussion as when it would come out? and Will it hurt? and Mama won't there be a hole?. In fact we had tried Friday evening to get the tenacious tooth to come out. It was to the point where it was flopping enough to make eating uncomfortable but still tightly attached to the gum. Friday night we aborted the mission because... those little teeth are small and incredibly hard to get a hold on! Plus it  was scary for Love Bug and she wasn't ready. But now it is Saturday lunch and the tooth at loosened some more so that the lower edge is loose and scraping. Love bug tries to munch her sandwich around it and is miserable.

The Admiral says " want to try to get it out again?"
"ummmm yes Daddy will you get it?"

I put some orajel on her gum and her Daddy with his huge hands tries to get a hold of this little tooth. Love Bug is squeezing my hand with nerves, I think. The Admiral tries but simply cannot get a grip on the tooth... meanwhile Bright One has a running commentary going on the entire process.

We switch places and Little girl takes 3 or 4 deep breaths and says "ok Momma you can try." "Do you want to get it Love bug? "
"No I think this is a big person job."
" OK, here we go..."

"POP!"

Little tiny tooth in my hand. Love Bug shaking like a leaf.

" Are you ok Love Bug? You did a great job!"
" IS it out?  Did you get it?"
" Yes" Showing her the tooth which is so small ... I am amazed.
"That really didn't hurt Momma."

After this we dove into a spirited conversation about the existence of the tooth fairy.  Love Bug called her grand parents and left messages and The Admiral took pictures for posterity.

Through this all I was struck by my girl's bravery. I am so proud of her being willing to have us help the tooth out after weeks of "DON"T TOUCH IT!"  So brave.

How often do we tell God "DON"T TOUCH IT" when we have a sore spot, an irritant of sin or painful pride? When the cure could be so simple.  I don't want to be brave. I don't want Father God to work on me because it might hurt.  hmmmmmm. But it might not hurt. The recovery could be so much better.

Father  God, Help me to be brave. Help me to say to you "go ahead pull that thorn out so I might be better."  Teach me Father to give over my stubborn pride and sins. I want to be so much more.

Being Silly

    Today has been a very laid back and quiet day. There wasn't school in honor of Veterans Day. The girls and I have been bums, watched too much tv, ate horribly, colored pictures, read books, cut paper into a million smithereens, and generally vegged out all day. About an hour ago I realized they needed to eat something more before we went to choir practices this evening. They asked me for "squiggly noodles". This is what we call ramen noodles.  I know they are not healthy at all but we also had fresh apple slices. While they were eating I was away from the table when they started giggling and entertaining each other laughing uproariously. I listened from my desk. I do not know what was so funny.  I was mildly irritated they weren't eating quickly. However I was struck by how precious that silliness is. That laughter together as sisters. It was truly wonderful. We can be so strict about proper table manners and raising our children to be polite. But how wonderful was it for me to listen to this uninhibited laughter. The knowledge that my children do take joy in each other. How often do I give into the stricture of society to behave when I really want to delve into the silliness? Silliness is not for everyday, but now and then there is great joy and wonder in giving oneself to unrestricted goofiness.


Lord help me to not be so full of propriety I forget to have fun.

Thoughts on Vetrans

Today is the day we set aside to honor our fighting men and women. I am sure every other blogger is out there discussing this. I am joining the bandwagon. From the beginning of our nation, we at home, have had privileges that so many elsewhere do not have. We are permitted to criticize our leaders. We are allowed to protest in defense of our beliefs. We are permitted to defend ourselves. We may worship as we choose where we choose. We may work to build a life of our own choosing. These rights (and others) are ours because someone died. Someone gave himself to stand up for the unpopular, the new country, the right to self-govern. In most cases those people did so willingly. In some cases they were compelled to fight by law  & government. Yet because of the men and women who stand guard around the world I enjoy incredible freedoms. Many soldiers come home physically, or worse, mentally damaged because of their service. I think often on this. I know many who though their period of service is painful to them they love, live,  and work to make their communities better without whining about the past. They do not discuss the fear, pain , terror, and loss that goes with military service.  Men and women who work to overcome because standing up for this country and our rights was/is an honor.

So I honor them. Thank You - to each person who has given themselves to serve our military, to serve us and defend our freedom. Thank You.


Thank You, Daddy!

Going down the same road with different scenery...

Not far from my home on the way to a friend's house there is a major intersection that has recently changed drastically.  The city is preparing to widen the road and the corner's landscape has been altered to accommodate the wider road and a new business development. It used to be as you approached this intersection going west that the hillside before you was covered in trees that hid the homes from the busy hwy. Well now the hillside is bare and the homes are skeletons marked by the fire department for practice use ( my children thought this was very cool that they would burn down a house just for practice. "Momma - can we come and watch when they practice?" ).  The road continues west and looks very different due to the construction preparations... It is going down the same road with different scenery. I feel this way each time I drive through this area. The vast changes shock me. Because I am not there on a daily basis I am not accustomed to the changes. Since those changes are on going I cannot get used to them. It is almost painful to me,  seeing the doomed houses on the bare hillside. I have a picture of how it should look painted in my mind. My mind picture still has the thick trees and underbrush. It bothers me when I see the difference. I am guessing it will bother me until the changes are finished and I can grow accustomed to the new vista of this place... until I can repaint my mind picture.

   This imagery makes me think of how often we live with something the way it is because we don't want to deal with the upheaval that goes with changing. A squeaky door, an ugly paint color, a crowded overflowing closet... we leave them because initially a greater "mess" will be created in the fixing of the problem. I have been occasionally working on the closet in our guest room. This space had become my general storage for "all that I didn't want to part with yet had no immediate use for" items. There are some memories in there and some junk. OK - lots of junk. The Admiral keeps telling me to go away for the weekend and He will take care of it. *wink*  Ummm...No. So I pile stuff on the bed, trying to decide what to do with this stuff and inevitably someone comes to stay the night and I throw it all back into the closet. I lose sight of that future picture I have for that room, staying contented with it the way it is and the closet curtain pulled shut. Then Love Bug says "are we moving to our new room soon?" with all the excited hopefulness that only a super dramatic 6 year old can unleash. OH. The vision - a bright yellow room with butterflies and each girl with her own space.... a vision that requires the closet be cleaned out... so the drywall can be hung... so the walls can be painted.... so the butterflies can take flight from my imagination...WHAT FUN!  But to paint that picture permanently I have to go down the same road and change the scenery.  I have to choose the temporary chaos to bring forth my new idea, though the interim is irritating, inconvenient and painful.

     Are you hanging on to a mind picture of what was? Are you willing to do the work, endure the changes, and move forward to what could be?

Lord, Help me to buckle down and change the scenery of my road, not just my physical road but also my spiritual one. You are the Master contractor and the artist. Help me to trust you.

Updates on Dad

Many have been asking how my Dad is doing in recovery from his heart attack on October 16th.

Here is the update:
Dad is resting a lot and saw his primary care physician today. He is doing well considering the severity of his cardiac event. His doctor is sending him to rehab to help him rebuild his strength. She expects it could take up to a year to fully regain his strength. At present He tires easily but is regaining some energy.

Please continue to pray for a regaining of strength, for continuing to re-develop eating habits.

Caite

Sunday night & Daylight

It is now 10:05pm on Sunday November 1st.

It has been a good weekend. Friday night was rainy and we decided to stay in and have family time. Saturday was spent uncovering my sewing area and putting together "Dance Monster" costumes for my girls... the "fur fabric" I purchased is shedding all over everywhere. Fuzz in my nose, all over my clothes, everywhere. But it was worth it. Though I was sewing up to the last possible second they were adoreable! Each place they went they danced a little.

We changed our clocks to "fall back" an hour last night. Well actually we did it today but we still made it to church on time despite the time change. However the result of this "time change" was full daylight at 7am instead of 8:15. I found this energizing this morning. Many folk I am in contact with really dislike daylight savings. I think this is partially because they did not grow up with the tradition, (Indiana has only had daylight savings for about 3 years) and partially because of the early evening darkness. I grew up with daylights savings time and don't really mind it. In fact I love the morning light. I usually adjust to the time change quickly. We will see.

Quietness

I am not sure that it is a word... however that is where my soul is today - Quietness. It is me for another 90 minutes, my state of being. I have no tv, to radio, no music playing... Just quiet. I was working on some paperwork, house work, and I am intentionally choosing the quiet because it is filling. The quiet is restoring. When life is a constant hum of little girl voices, machines, buzzers and bells my brian revolts and wants to retreat. So not get me wrong... I like the hum... it means we are living fully. But I am thankful for this day of quietness to refill and restore my clarity.

Thank you Abba- daddy, for the gift.

A Lesson... Thursday ... 10.29

On Thursday night well after the girls bedtime Bright One begins whispering again... for the 3rd time. The second time I warned her there would be trouble. So on the 3rd I went up to chat with my wayward girl. The conversation went like this:

"Bright One - you are still whispering."
" Mommy, how did you hear me?"
"well honey I have the monitor on."
" dang it."
"Bright One even if I hadn't heard you, You were still disobedient and Jesus knows and sees even when Mommy and Daddy's don't. "

HUGE TEAR BURST!

"d -d-d-did I make Jesus sad Mommy?"
"what do you think, sweetheart?"
(still crying big gulping sobs)
"what do I do now?"
"do you think you should ask him for forgiveness?"
"i- i- i- i Guess so."

We prayed together.

When I came back down, I was caught by how upset Bright One was by the thought that she had made Jesus sad. Much more so than the fact that she was in trouble for disobeying me and getting consequences. How rarely do I worry about if I have have saddened or disappointed my God? Very rarely. I fuss about the consequences of my sin and how it effects me. But I don't usually think about how Christ is impacted by my sin. That my sin separates me from communion with God is an awareness I have mentally but does it break my heart? I am sad to admit the answer is not always.

Father God - teach me to be broken, give to me a tenderness to be aware when I am tempted to sin of the separation and to quickly seek your forgiveness to regain our communion. Caite

Updates....

Well we are still fighting the ick. I hope little girls will be able to go to school Thursday. Bright One has perked up and seems to be recovering. Love Bug feels "sorta mostly yucky". Me - I am tired. This is one of life's curve balls. The interruption of our plans no sooner than we have laid them.

I also wanted to give you an update on my father. He has been home from the Hospital a week today and is slowly regaining energy. Thank You all for your prayers and kindness. Please continue to pray as my parents work together to make diet changes and to overcome this unexpected situation. They find themselves needing to depend on God even further. I find myself needing to give my worry over them to God again and again because I cannot go there to help with the ick at our house. But I want to help. I want to ease the burden... yet it is not my place but to pray. So thank you Friends for adding your prayers to mine. I will update again.

Father God teach me to turn my worry over to you. Help me to place my Loved ones in your care. Caite

trusting....

2:38 am "Mommy!"
" What is it baby?"
" I don't feel good...my head hurts..."


That would be how my day started. Now almost 18 hours later... Bright One is still fevered and we are both a little strung out. She seems to have the dreaded flu... whichever one... it doesn't matter. All I know is my precious girl feels yucky. So I must trust... my own judgment, the Admiral's, and of course God. The truth is I don't want to trust I want to be through this and have my Bright One - shining again. But yet HE calls us to trust and give our precious ones over to Him.

Help me Lord to trust my self and you. Please hold my girl and heal her.

Being Unexpected

I love the look on people's faces when I say one of my hobbies is shooting black powder cannons. I love the "wiiisss....BOOM!" The rhythm of the commands and drill of firing brings comfort as you pace through the drill. No matter what is going on elsewhere in my life we work as a team on the artillery crew. The trust that must build as we work together can be unexpected too. This weekend was fun because the Admiral and I taught a gunner's course. Three new gunner's for our crews. Spending a day team teaching this courses was an unexpected pleasure. We are a good team. Reaching out to train people to be safe and experience the thrill of the cannons was very rewarding.

Being unexpected should be a way of life for us. Otherwise we fall into ruts of sameness in our lives. When everyday is lived in the same patterns and habits. Routine is important but so is breaking free of the routine and reaching out to touch someone else in new way. Sometimes we are the ones whose soul is touched. As a child of God do I show my love and faith in the same old boring way? Do I live my faith in an unexpected way? So that those who wouldn't ever look for God might see Him in me because I choose to be unexpected?

God Lead me to be obedient when you nudge me even if the course is unexpected.

Boom Boom

Today was rainy cold and damp.... but we got to shoot the cannons! We got to shoot the little cannon and the Big Cannon! It is so much to play with. I think I will come up with more to say later but I had to mention how fun the day firing the guns was.

A Day with No Agenda...

The journey we are on is filled with so much... STUFF. Planning, running, scheduling, doing, wondering what to plan, and moving stuff - it goes on and on, overwhelming me/us. I like to plan. Then execute the plan. I like to make a list and cross things off of it. I like to think it helps organize me. What is the plan for my trip to my folks? There isn't one. Just be together. Last evening I was chatting with the Admiral, letting him know I had arrived at my parents safely and hearing about the girls' evening etc. He said to me at one point... "I hope you don't have an agenda while you are there." I thought well of course there is an agenda... nothing gets done without one. But then I realized he meant no agenda to talk (read: lecture) at my Dad about caring for himself better. I thought for a moment and responded that I had no intention of doing anything more than being with Dad for 2 days.

The conversation got me thinking how often we (read: I) have an agenda to cover in most encounters. We so seldom just be. Prayer is like that. We go to prayer with a list for God. Please fix this. please touch them. please... please... How rarely we enter our time with God to just be with God, To just be in the moment listening and hearing, experiencing. It is rare that I make time to just be with Abba Father like I am making time to just be with my Daddy. So My challenge is... "just be" for 20 minutes today. "Just be" with savior God. Focus on Him don't focus on the devotional or the people you've promised to lift in prayer... Just Be. Let your mind and heart be open to Him. Let me know what you experience if you like.

Abba God, Meet me in these moments, teach me to be in the moment with you not only covering an agenda with you.

Miracles Anyone?

As you may have guessed from the first post, my father had a major heart attack Friday night. He is doing very well thanks to some amazing miracles. He was in a public place. There was an EMT & an RN in said public place. The ambulance arrived in 2 minutes from the call. Doctors have told us that if he had not been given care so quickly this could have been fatal. What a miracle.. he could have been driving .. in fact he had planned to but didn't have the strength to close the car door. There are so many things for which to be thankful.

God is challenging me... Why do I wait for a crisis to look for a miracle? As I prayed through the night waiting for the outcome God was there holding me, reminding me of His bigness. In the light of day Saturday I began thinking of the miracles that had saved my daddy's life and how there are miracles each and every day. But I must choose to acknowledge them. Do you look for the miracles in each day. I don't mean to be vapid or simple. But do you look? I haven't been. But what joy when I do. How cared for I am! What treasure I must be that God would orchestrate so many little miracles...

Father God, Open my eyes. Lead me to look. Nudge me to be aware of your hand in my life... daily... hourly, moment to moment.

Friday Night

RING! RING! 10:50pm

The call. “He collapsed. Ambulance. We don’t know anything. Will call when we know something.”

Trembling.

Scared.

Trembling.

Terrified.

“Daddy. Oh God Help him.”

Waiting…

Waiting…

Waiting…

Ring! 12:02am

“Major heart attack… working stabilize… will transport to big city… will call with news”

Crying…

Just breathe… in…out…in…out…in….

Ring! 2am ish

“He is in the cath lab… damage less extensive than expected… two stents… in lots of pain…”

Waiting…

Dozing…

Thinking…

Waiting… dozing…

Ring! Jump up Breathing hard, pounding Heart…. 3:55am

“Hello?...”

“Pulled through… in recovery…Thank God… 5 to 7 days in Hosp... He’s joking with nurses… Call you in the morning.”

Sigh

Tears… relief… trembling….

Fading…

Sleep.

Rain, fillings, & outlooks

It is raining, again. Perhaps I should say still.

Each day as I drive my daughters to school we take a few moments to give our day to God and ask him to direct our paths and guide our behavior- mine included. Sometimes we have to talk about whatever problem is uppermost in my dear girl's minds. Such as a classmate who is hard to be nice too or whether or not we will get a nap time award today. These are important things. When we pray on our drive it is short and sweet and usually with eyes wide open. Today I prayed "Thank You Lord for the beautiful new day you have given us, Thank you for the rain that is refilling our water table...." As I continued I heard a large sigh from behind me. My Bright One, who is 4 1/2, sighed and said very grumpily "are you sure you want to Thank Him for the rain? He might send more." I attempted not to drive off the road as I burst into laughter. It got me thinking about my outlook. I was praying thanks to help adjust my own negative attitude about the rain. Bright One totally called me on it. We talked about being thankful in every situation and finding a reason to offer thanks. How often I use my words to gloss over my deeper feelings. My maker desires me to give Him my true self with no pretenses.

After that revelation, I went off to the dentist to have a cavity filled. How fun... not. Here again I am thankful for a number of things. Novocaine for one. ;) My excellent dentist who worked quickly and efficiently, making me feel as comfortable as one can in a chair under bright lights with someone else's fingers in your mouth. We have so much to be thankful for in everyday. We can look for the silver lining. I find when I am intentional about looking for the good things... my days are bright no matter the weather!

Lord, Thank you for being. Thank You for giving. Thank you for showing me how to love and be Thankful in every situation. - Whisper

"Shaking"

It has been a shaking day. Shaking as it is defined "is to vibrate or unsettle, to quiver or tremble, to get free of." So how does that fit my day? I am unsettled, rocked. I am free of a thought pattern I have allowed to hold me captive. I am vibrating with the excitement of new ideas, new projects. I am trembling...I think because I am cold... but perhaps because I feel strange... Shaking.

Tuesdays are busy days. I like them that way. The fullness of Tuesday forces me to focus on the week when I plan it. If I do not plan Tuesdays they are rushed and frenetic. When I plan the week, the meetings and appointments, the home tasks then Tuesdays are full but I finish the day feeling energized to get much accomplished Wednesday, Thursday, & Friday. Tuesdays are often a day of accomplishment. Today was. Met with L. for breakfast and she made me feel honored. "crack!" I received uplifting words that my mind didn't want to accept. But with the "crack!" my faulty perception of self was shaken. Soon after breakfast a call came in and "crack!" the perception is shaking again. Attended a networking meeting that I facilitate and overheard a comment passing from person to person. A compliment - "crack!". The shaking worsens. My perception of myself is altered... permanently. I cannot continue to believe I am unworthy of these praises. I hope this does not sound arrogant. I do not mean it be. The scripture says "we are fearfully and wonderfully made." Do we believe it as it applies to us? I didn't... not deep inside. There in that hidden place I had walled in little me lest she be hurt or exposed. When we wall "little me" in to protect her, we also keep her from the affirmations that grow her in confidence and love. This allows her to believe whatever perception she sees through her peephole in the wall. The big picture isn't visible. Oh faulty perception! A shaking revelation.

The second shaking... ideas vibrating and bouncing like a room full to the brim of electrons quaking in the effort to equalize. Needing to boil over. I want to sit down and implement them all. I am excited by the group of folk who want to help. I wish we could wave our little wand and *poof* make the ideas reality. I am shaking with the energy new ideas bring. I am praying for the wisdom to know our limits and to know what to do when.

Shaking... It is cold. I have felt strange since midday. I don't know why but I am trembling. Is this a distraction from my new unveiled perception? Is it just me being weird. Anything is possible. It has been a shaking day.

Daddy, forgive me for disbelieving your word. Forgive me for not allowing it to sink in and apply to my soul, my heart. Thank you for giving me this layered look at the bigger picture of how you see me and my talents as infinitely valuable and needed. Thank you Daddy for the group of parents who want to serve. Lord give me your eyes to see them each where they are and to care for them. Most of all Thank you Lord for a shaking day... I needed it.

The Journey Continues....

Hello! I am Caite, wife, mother, daughter, sister, searcher, planner, messy housekeeper, learning to listen, growing, and most of all, hungry for God. I decided I needed an outlet and place to tell the story of our journey. Life is, you know, Life is a journey. A series of moving forward, of stepping aside to explore or rest, of pushing through when you just don't want to continue. A cascade of places and sightings, of joyous mountain tops and quiet valleys, of dark hurting places and bright happy places. A journey. I titled this chronicle "Whisper to the wind..." because for now it is for me to share what ever. I have no major purpose other than to outlet and share with those who love us. I do not want to teach you something as you read... unless God chooses to use my words to quicken something in you. So let the Journey continue... one day at a time.


Today is the first Monday after a large event I helped to plan. Events tend to consume me. I should work to make a balance between "the thing" and my home and family. I am improving. On the other hand I am doing loads of laundry today to catch up on the past month. I also resumed my workout "plan" today. Plan is a loose description. I haven't met with a trainer or spent lots of money coming up with a plan. However I am committing myself to regular workouts and tracking my eating again. I want to be a healthy and fun Momma, not a fat, tired and sick one. Over the course of planning "the thing" I discovered today that I have gained 8 pounds. Not how i wanted to start the school year. But today is the first day of the rest of the journey... and I can take those 8 pounds off if I am diligent and wise with my eating.

Father, give me wisdom in my eating. help me want to be diligent in my exercise. Thank you Lord that you designed us such amazing machines to work on the fuel you provide. Lord lead me to be a steward of this body that I would see it as you do. Thank you Father.