On Thursday night well after the girls bedtime Bright One begins whispering again... for the 3rd time. The second time I warned her there would be trouble. So on the 3rd I went up to chat with my wayward girl. The conversation went like this:
"Bright One - you are still whispering."
" Mommy, how did you hear me?"
"well honey I have the monitor on."
" dang it."
"Bright One even if I hadn't heard you, You were still disobedient and Jesus knows and sees even when Mommy and Daddy's don't. "
HUGE TEAR BURST!
"d -d-d-did I make Jesus sad Mommy?"
"what do you think, sweetheart?"
(still crying big gulping sobs)
"what do I do now?"
"do you think you should ask him for forgiveness?"
"i- i- i- i Guess so."
We prayed together.
When I came back down, I was caught by how upset Bright One was by the thought that she had made Jesus sad. Much more so than the fact that she was in trouble for disobeying me and getting consequences. How rarely do I worry about if I have have saddened or disappointed my God? Very rarely. I fuss about the consequences of my sin and how it effects me. But I don't usually think about how Christ is impacted by my sin. That my sin separates me from communion with God is an awareness I have mentally but does it break my heart? I am sad to admit the answer is not always.
Father God - teach me to be broken, give to me a tenderness to be aware when I am tempted to sin of the separation and to quickly seek your forgiveness to regain our communion. Caite