Tuesday, October 13, 2009


It has been a shaking day. Shaking as it is defined "is to vibrate or unsettle, to quiver or tremble, to get free of." So how does that fit my day? I am unsettled, rocked. I am free of a thought pattern I have allowed to hold me captive. I am vibrating with the excitement of new ideas, new projects. I am trembling...I think because I am cold... but perhaps because I feel strange... Shaking.

Tuesdays are busy days. I like them that way. The fullness of Tuesday forces me to focus on the week when I plan it. If I do not plan Tuesdays they are rushed and frenetic. When I plan the week, the meetings and appointments, the home tasks then Tuesdays are full but I finish the day feeling energized to get much accomplished Wednesday, Thursday, & Friday. Tuesdays are often a day of accomplishment. Today was. Met with L. for breakfast and she made me feel honored. "crack!" I received uplifting words that my mind didn't want to accept. But with the "crack!" my faulty perception of self was shaken. Soon after breakfast a call came in and "crack!" the perception is shaking again. Attended a networking meeting that I facilitate and overheard a comment passing from person to person. A compliment - "crack!". The shaking worsens. My perception of myself is altered... permanently. I cannot continue to believe I am unworthy of these praises. I hope this does not sound arrogant. I do not mean it be. The scripture says "we are fearfully and wonderfully made." Do we believe it as it applies to us? I didn't... not deep inside. There in that hidden place I had walled in little me lest she be hurt or exposed. When we wall "little me" in to protect her, we also keep her from the affirmations that grow her in confidence and love. This allows her to believe whatever perception she sees through her peephole in the wall. The big picture isn't visible. Oh faulty perception! A shaking revelation.

The second shaking... ideas vibrating and bouncing like a room full to the brim of electrons quaking in the effort to equalize. Needing to boil over. I want to sit down and implement them all. I am excited by the group of folk who want to help. I wish we could wave our little wand and *poof* make the ideas reality. I am shaking with the energy new ideas bring. I am praying for the wisdom to know our limits and to know what to do when.

Shaking... It is cold. I have felt strange since midday. I don't know why but I am trembling. Is this a distraction from my new unveiled perception? Is it just me being weird. Anything is possible. It has been a shaking day.

Daddy, forgive me for disbelieving your word. Forgive me for not allowing it to sink in and apply to my soul, my heart. Thank you for giving me this layered look at the bigger picture of how you see me and my talents as infinitely valuable and needed. Thank you Daddy for the group of parents who want to serve. Lord give me your eyes to see them each where they are and to care for them. Most of all Thank you Lord for a shaking day... I needed it.


Krista said...

Hey, Cije! Nice to spy you! Thanks for stopping by and leaving me a little comment love! I updated my blog to include the name, but if I tell you it's U2, can you recognize Bono in the second photo? Anyway, I'll look forward to seeing more of your writing. Keep it up!

Caite said...
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