A Lesson... Thursday ... 10.29

On Thursday night well after the girls bedtime Bright One begins whispering again... for the 3rd time. The second time I warned her there would be trouble. So on the 3rd I went up to chat with my wayward girl. The conversation went like this:

"Bright One - you are still whispering."
" Mommy, how did you hear me?"
"well honey I have the monitor on."
" dang it."
"Bright One even if I hadn't heard you, You were still disobedient and Jesus knows and sees even when Mommy and Daddy's don't. "

HUGE TEAR BURST!

"d -d-d-did I make Jesus sad Mommy?"
"what do you think, sweetheart?"
(still crying big gulping sobs)
"what do I do now?"
"do you think you should ask him for forgiveness?"
"i- i- i- i Guess so."

We prayed together.

When I came back down, I was caught by how upset Bright One was by the thought that she had made Jesus sad. Much more so than the fact that she was in trouble for disobeying me and getting consequences. How rarely do I worry about if I have have saddened or disappointed my God? Very rarely. I fuss about the consequences of my sin and how it effects me. But I don't usually think about how Christ is impacted by my sin. That my sin separates me from communion with God is an awareness I have mentally but does it break my heart? I am sad to admit the answer is not always.

Father God - teach me to be broken, give to me a tenderness to be aware when I am tempted to sin of the separation and to quickly seek your forgiveness to regain our communion. Caite

Updates....

Well we are still fighting the ick. I hope little girls will be able to go to school Thursday. Bright One has perked up and seems to be recovering. Love Bug feels "sorta mostly yucky". Me - I am tired. This is one of life's curve balls. The interruption of our plans no sooner than we have laid them.

I also wanted to give you an update on my father. He has been home from the Hospital a week today and is slowly regaining energy. Thank You all for your prayers and kindness. Please continue to pray as my parents work together to make diet changes and to overcome this unexpected situation. They find themselves needing to depend on God even further. I find myself needing to give my worry over them to God again and again because I cannot go there to help with the ick at our house. But I want to help. I want to ease the burden... yet it is not my place but to pray. So thank you Friends for adding your prayers to mine. I will update again.

Father God teach me to turn my worry over to you. Help me to place my Loved ones in your care. Caite

trusting....

2:38 am "Mommy!"
" What is it baby?"
" I don't feel good...my head hurts..."


That would be how my day started. Now almost 18 hours later... Bright One is still fevered and we are both a little strung out. She seems to have the dreaded flu... whichever one... it doesn't matter. All I know is my precious girl feels yucky. So I must trust... my own judgment, the Admiral's, and of course God. The truth is I don't want to trust I want to be through this and have my Bright One - shining again. But yet HE calls us to trust and give our precious ones over to Him.

Help me Lord to trust my self and you. Please hold my girl and heal her.

Being Unexpected

I love the look on people's faces when I say one of my hobbies is shooting black powder cannons. I love the "wiiisss....BOOM!" The rhythm of the commands and drill of firing brings comfort as you pace through the drill. No matter what is going on elsewhere in my life we work as a team on the artillery crew. The trust that must build as we work together can be unexpected too. This weekend was fun because the Admiral and I taught a gunner's course. Three new gunner's for our crews. Spending a day team teaching this courses was an unexpected pleasure. We are a good team. Reaching out to train people to be safe and experience the thrill of the cannons was very rewarding.

Being unexpected should be a way of life for us. Otherwise we fall into ruts of sameness in our lives. When everyday is lived in the same patterns and habits. Routine is important but so is breaking free of the routine and reaching out to touch someone else in new way. Sometimes we are the ones whose soul is touched. As a child of God do I show my love and faith in the same old boring way? Do I live my faith in an unexpected way? So that those who wouldn't ever look for God might see Him in me because I choose to be unexpected?

God Lead me to be obedient when you nudge me even if the course is unexpected.

Boom Boom

Today was rainy cold and damp.... but we got to shoot the cannons! We got to shoot the little cannon and the Big Cannon! It is so much to play with. I think I will come up with more to say later but I had to mention how fun the day firing the guns was.

A Day with No Agenda...

The journey we are on is filled with so much... STUFF. Planning, running, scheduling, doing, wondering what to plan, and moving stuff - it goes on and on, overwhelming me/us. I like to plan. Then execute the plan. I like to make a list and cross things off of it. I like to think it helps organize me. What is the plan for my trip to my folks? There isn't one. Just be together. Last evening I was chatting with the Admiral, letting him know I had arrived at my parents safely and hearing about the girls' evening etc. He said to me at one point... "I hope you don't have an agenda while you are there." I thought well of course there is an agenda... nothing gets done without one. But then I realized he meant no agenda to talk (read: lecture) at my Dad about caring for himself better. I thought for a moment and responded that I had no intention of doing anything more than being with Dad for 2 days.

The conversation got me thinking how often we (read: I) have an agenda to cover in most encounters. We so seldom just be. Prayer is like that. We go to prayer with a list for God. Please fix this. please touch them. please... please... How rarely we enter our time with God to just be with God, To just be in the moment listening and hearing, experiencing. It is rare that I make time to just be with Abba Father like I am making time to just be with my Daddy. So My challenge is... "just be" for 20 minutes today. "Just be" with savior God. Focus on Him don't focus on the devotional or the people you've promised to lift in prayer... Just Be. Let your mind and heart be open to Him. Let me know what you experience if you like.

Abba God, Meet me in these moments, teach me to be in the moment with you not only covering an agenda with you.

Miracles Anyone?

As you may have guessed from the first post, my father had a major heart attack Friday night. He is doing very well thanks to some amazing miracles. He was in a public place. There was an EMT & an RN in said public place. The ambulance arrived in 2 minutes from the call. Doctors have told us that if he had not been given care so quickly this could have been fatal. What a miracle.. he could have been driving .. in fact he had planned to but didn't have the strength to close the car door. There are so many things for which to be thankful.

God is challenging me... Why do I wait for a crisis to look for a miracle? As I prayed through the night waiting for the outcome God was there holding me, reminding me of His bigness. In the light of day Saturday I began thinking of the miracles that had saved my daddy's life and how there are miracles each and every day. But I must choose to acknowledge them. Do you look for the miracles in each day. I don't mean to be vapid or simple. But do you look? I haven't been. But what joy when I do. How cared for I am! What treasure I must be that God would orchestrate so many little miracles...

Father God, Open my eyes. Lead me to look. Nudge me to be aware of your hand in my life... daily... hourly, moment to moment.

Friday Night

RING! RING! 10:50pm

The call. “He collapsed. Ambulance. We don’t know anything. Will call when we know something.”

Trembling.

Scared.

Trembling.

Terrified.

“Daddy. Oh God Help him.”

Waiting…

Waiting…

Waiting…

Ring! 12:02am

“Major heart attack… working stabilize… will transport to big city… will call with news”

Crying…

Just breathe… in…out…in…out…in….

Ring! 2am ish

“He is in the cath lab… damage less extensive than expected… two stents… in lots of pain…”

Waiting…

Dozing…

Thinking…

Waiting… dozing…

Ring! Jump up Breathing hard, pounding Heart…. 3:55am

“Hello?...”

“Pulled through… in recovery…Thank God… 5 to 7 days in Hosp... He’s joking with nurses… Call you in the morning.”

Sigh

Tears… relief… trembling….

Fading…

Sleep.

Rain, fillings, & outlooks

It is raining, again. Perhaps I should say still.

Each day as I drive my daughters to school we take a few moments to give our day to God and ask him to direct our paths and guide our behavior- mine included. Sometimes we have to talk about whatever problem is uppermost in my dear girl's minds. Such as a classmate who is hard to be nice too or whether or not we will get a nap time award today. These are important things. When we pray on our drive it is short and sweet and usually with eyes wide open. Today I prayed "Thank You Lord for the beautiful new day you have given us, Thank you for the rain that is refilling our water table...." As I continued I heard a large sigh from behind me. My Bright One, who is 4 1/2, sighed and said very grumpily "are you sure you want to Thank Him for the rain? He might send more." I attempted not to drive off the road as I burst into laughter. It got me thinking about my outlook. I was praying thanks to help adjust my own negative attitude about the rain. Bright One totally called me on it. We talked about being thankful in every situation and finding a reason to offer thanks. How often I use my words to gloss over my deeper feelings. My maker desires me to give Him my true self with no pretenses.

After that revelation, I went off to the dentist to have a cavity filled. How fun... not. Here again I am thankful for a number of things. Novocaine for one. ;) My excellent dentist who worked quickly and efficiently, making me feel as comfortable as one can in a chair under bright lights with someone else's fingers in your mouth. We have so much to be thankful for in everyday. We can look for the silver lining. I find when I am intentional about looking for the good things... my days are bright no matter the weather!

Lord, Thank you for being. Thank You for giving. Thank you for showing me how to love and be Thankful in every situation. - Whisper

"Shaking"

It has been a shaking day. Shaking as it is defined "is to vibrate or unsettle, to quiver or tremble, to get free of." So how does that fit my day? I am unsettled, rocked. I am free of a thought pattern I have allowed to hold me captive. I am vibrating with the excitement of new ideas, new projects. I am trembling...I think because I am cold... but perhaps because I feel strange... Shaking.

Tuesdays are busy days. I like them that way. The fullness of Tuesday forces me to focus on the week when I plan it. If I do not plan Tuesdays they are rushed and frenetic. When I plan the week, the meetings and appointments, the home tasks then Tuesdays are full but I finish the day feeling energized to get much accomplished Wednesday, Thursday, & Friday. Tuesdays are often a day of accomplishment. Today was. Met with L. for breakfast and she made me feel honored. "crack!" I received uplifting words that my mind didn't want to accept. But with the "crack!" my faulty perception of self was shaken. Soon after breakfast a call came in and "crack!" the perception is shaking again. Attended a networking meeting that I facilitate and overheard a comment passing from person to person. A compliment - "crack!". The shaking worsens. My perception of myself is altered... permanently. I cannot continue to believe I am unworthy of these praises. I hope this does not sound arrogant. I do not mean it be. The scripture says "we are fearfully and wonderfully made." Do we believe it as it applies to us? I didn't... not deep inside. There in that hidden place I had walled in little me lest she be hurt or exposed. When we wall "little me" in to protect her, we also keep her from the affirmations that grow her in confidence and love. This allows her to believe whatever perception she sees through her peephole in the wall. The big picture isn't visible. Oh faulty perception! A shaking revelation.

The second shaking... ideas vibrating and bouncing like a room full to the brim of electrons quaking in the effort to equalize. Needing to boil over. I want to sit down and implement them all. I am excited by the group of folk who want to help. I wish we could wave our little wand and *poof* make the ideas reality. I am shaking with the energy new ideas bring. I am praying for the wisdom to know our limits and to know what to do when.

Shaking... It is cold. I have felt strange since midday. I don't know why but I am trembling. Is this a distraction from my new unveiled perception? Is it just me being weird. Anything is possible. It has been a shaking day.

Daddy, forgive me for disbelieving your word. Forgive me for not allowing it to sink in and apply to my soul, my heart. Thank you for giving me this layered look at the bigger picture of how you see me and my talents as infinitely valuable and needed. Thank you Daddy for the group of parents who want to serve. Lord give me your eyes to see them each where they are and to care for them. Most of all Thank you Lord for a shaking day... I needed it.

The Journey Continues....

Hello! I am Caite, wife, mother, daughter, sister, searcher, planner, messy housekeeper, learning to listen, growing, and most of all, hungry for God. I decided I needed an outlet and place to tell the story of our journey. Life is, you know, Life is a journey. A series of moving forward, of stepping aside to explore or rest, of pushing through when you just don't want to continue. A cascade of places and sightings, of joyous mountain tops and quiet valleys, of dark hurting places and bright happy places. A journey. I titled this chronicle "Whisper to the wind..." because for now it is for me to share what ever. I have no major purpose other than to outlet and share with those who love us. I do not want to teach you something as you read... unless God chooses to use my words to quicken something in you. So let the Journey continue... one day at a time.


Today is the first Monday after a large event I helped to plan. Events tend to consume me. I should work to make a balance between "the thing" and my home and family. I am improving. On the other hand I am doing loads of laundry today to catch up on the past month. I also resumed my workout "plan" today. Plan is a loose description. I haven't met with a trainer or spent lots of money coming up with a plan. However I am committing myself to regular workouts and tracking my eating again. I want to be a healthy and fun Momma, not a fat, tired and sick one. Over the course of planning "the thing" I discovered today that I have gained 8 pounds. Not how i wanted to start the school year. But today is the first day of the rest of the journey... and I can take those 8 pounds off if I am diligent and wise with my eating.

Father, give me wisdom in my eating. help me want to be diligent in my exercise. Thank you Lord that you designed us such amazing machines to work on the fuel you provide. Lord lead me to be a steward of this body that I would see it as you do. Thank you Father.