So I have made a mistake.
( mass Gasp!)
This is life. We all make mistakes. The course of action should be ask forgiveness, make it right, and move on. I seem to add another step. Beat myself to an emotional pulp. Repeat. Cry some. Repeat. Try to breathe.
For the space of a week or two I bottled up my self disgust and anger. I tried to push it into a closet or stuff it into a box that I could hideaway. Hoping it would just dissipate or vanish. You know "out of sight and out of mind"?
Did you know this doesn't work?
It causes random bursts of emotions, anxiety in otherwise calm moments, inability to think clearly. In short bottling up these emotions - bad idea.
Monday, My friend,W, came over and I unloaded my brain all over her. Thank heaven.
Friends... Are you giving in to self disgust and self hatred? Give these things to God. Find a good friend you trust who will listen and remind you when your thinking stinks. Remind you of your worth and the truth of how God views you. Tell you how precious you are. Tell you that all people make mistakes, big and small. Remind you that self disgust and anger are not productive. AND this person should be willing to push you in love to create and stick to a plan to move past the mistake.
In the words of Pray for Rain: "you gotta let go!"
Lord help me to forgive myself and ban the beat up monster.