This past week and weekend I spent a myriad of hours working on a rummage sale for the girl's school. Sorting, pricing, standing around, straightening, cleaning packing and all the things that go with rummage sales. I signed up for this so do not feel sorry for me... I brought the work on myself. I am proud and thrilled that my team of VERY dedicated parents raised over $1000 on the rummage sale. I am also a little frustrated that in the face of the need a thousand dollars is a drop in a huge bucket. However it is a drop we didn't have before. In the midst of all the sorting and straightening I discovered something that has rocked me to the core. This has caused me no small amount of distress. I mentioned in my previous post that I was angry about it. I am. Also sad and feeling helpless. Today as I was weeping and feeling sorry for myself I decided to have chocolate. Because that always brings comfort, right? So I unwrapped the chocolate bar with roasted almonds, which happens to be my absolute favorite, and broke off a piece. It was lovely, but soon gone. So I got another piece and another... and on my way to the fourth ... ZAP!
Well crud.
Why indeed. The Scripture is so clear. Many, many, times I have experienced His comfort. His Holy Spirit is the comforter. God wants to carry us through our trials. I need to turn to Him in my distress, allow Him to be comfort AND strength. So today has been a lesson in binging on the Comforter. A lesson on choosing to be comforted because HE is walking through this valley by my side.
Daddy, I am sad. I am hurting. I am confused and uncertain. You are big enough. You are enough for me. You, Lord God, can overcome this. Please give to me the courage to turn aside and grieve while you comfort me. The desire for you as comfort instead of food. Teach me to reach out Lord to you. Caite
2 comments:
I hear ya! Been there done that, frequently! Hard thing to wrestle with!! We're all still learning!! Had an incident just last Friday while baking stuff for a bake sale. What I wasn't packaging up, I was eating. I can't resist cookie dough, brownie batter, and the stuff that comes out of the oven! Even though I was starting to feel like I had really overdone it, I didn't stop (even though I was almost feeling sick). I ate because it was there, and felt like He was saying "stop! No more!" but I did it anyways. :( I'm grateful He didn't allow me to suffer the consequences on today's weigh-in (down two pounds, actually, but I was up one last week). But, I DID pay when I woke up in the morning because my body hurt BADLY (I have suspected for a while that I might have a gluten allergy that aggravates the pain in my back and neck).
Anyways, don't beat yourself up, darlin'!! Love you!! We're learning!! OXOXO
"Well, crud!"
Well spoken by you and well understood by me. I'm walking down a path right now myself that I'd rather not be on, but with God's grace I will stay on. God is showing me right now an area of submission that needs to become heart knowledge and not just head knowledge. He's already opened my eyes to an area that I didn't trust Him with and is now asking me to change my "want to" and fall at His feet in complete submission. The struggle is that I like my "want to"...but He wants me to die to my "want to" so that He can give me something better. You'll probably see a blog come out of this one soon...it's still too painful right now.
Just yesterday this all came to a head...and I was feeling very lost and angry...almost hopeless. Last night at church Pastor shared a verse with us that was meant just for me. John 12:24 " I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds." As Pastor explained it, this is death with a promise of a grand resurrection for each of us. With each thing that we die to, there is a promise of something better!!!
Oh, how He loves us!
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