Recently I was approached in casual conversation by my pastor "You should be on the worship team," he said.
I was floored, but he had planted a seed. That little seed festered in my mind. You see, I love to sing. However, in my opinion, I have never been terribly good at it . I do all right for in the shower or for tormenting my husband in the car, not so much in front of the general public. The Bible says "make a joyful noise.." (Psalm 100:1) So I do. I love to worship! There is a difference between singing for public consumption and worshiping the living God!
Worshiping our maker is a must! It is a passion for me. Giving of myself, my voice and my attention to the adoration of Holy God, that's a privilege. The little seed pastor planted created a war in my mind. Part of me really, really wanted to join the worship team. The other part of me wanted to run for the hills. I felt so uncomfortable. I felt afraid of messing up, hitting wrong notes, being off pitch, and generally sounding bad.
I vacillated back and forth over and over. IS this worship team thing something I'm supposed to ? The more I prayed the more I felt like I should. Then the worship director approached me. I took another 2 weeks after that to pray and try to talk myself out of it. Alas, it was not to be. The Admiral gave his blessing and I felt the Lord was pushing me to do this. I told them I would join the team.
I showed up to my first rehearsal, full of nerves but had a fine evening. They are a friendly and comfortable group. The first Sunday went well. I was nervous but God is good and I was able to move past the nerves and into worship. The second week at rehearsal the leader for the week said "I wondered if you would solo this bridge?" I thought, WHAT?!?!?, but said "um.... *mumble* well I guess I could...."
So, in obedience to this nudge, I practiced and practiced and practiced. I was obedient and ready to do it. To my great relief the song was cut Sunday morning due to time constraints. The leader for that second week said to me " I knew you had the confidence to do this solo!" I looked around to see who she was talking to. "What confidence!?!?!, I said. Me? Ummmm, No. Not confident. Scared witless but obedient." She laughed, patted my shoulder, and said "we will do the song again soon and you can do the solo."
I am really enjoying singing with the worship team. I am glad I was obedient. I am still pretty nervous. I DO make mistakes, and that is ok. Because I am not called to be the perfect musician, vocalist, or performer. I am called to be an enthusiastic, genuine, and obedient worshiper. Phillippians 4:13 " I can do all thing through Christ who strengthens me" This verse gives me confidence that this is where I am supposed to be serving. My choice is to be available to God and let HIM equip me for this task. What confidence? The confidence that I am in the center of His will, focused on Him and not myself.
Lord give me the confidence that comes from you alone. Keep my hand firmly tucked in yours. Walk me through this experience. Let my actions glorify you and you alone.