The Blessings of Loss

Have you ever felt the sadness that accompanies loss? The sense of helplessness that comes as a friendship gradually fades or a loved one’s health slowly declines? A sudden loss is a shock, and it has its own pain. But there is something uniquely difficult about being witness to the “long goodbye”, as it is sometimes described. My experience with it this past Christmas felt that way. But there were also blessings I had not anticipated. 

On December 28^th, my father's mother passed away. The process that led up to her home-going was long. I experienced very little of the journey first hand, as I live many hours away. I have known the challenge of not being local and able to help, beyond listening.

I was a bit in denial about my grandmother. Of my grandmothers, I really didn't think I would lose her first. From my distance, it felt like she went from lucidity to incoherence overnight. Of course, the reality is that she has been fading for years. Dementia is a long, cruel ending to a life.

However, even in the midst of all of the challenges of watching someone you love die, I have been struck by some unusual blessings. This was not easy for me to acknowledge at first; how can there be good things about dying – especially dying like this? As I’ve reflected, though, I’ve been struck by my memories of that hard time. They’re mostly positive. 

For instance, when Gram's journey sped up in late September, a friend asked me if I was going home. I explained that, because the end could come for any of us at any time, I always make it a point to leave with no regrets, so I didn’t feel the need to run home.  There was little I could do to help. Decisions like that are hard, yet so important. As a result of waiting,  I got to be there at the end to support my Dad and his siblings.  I am thankful beyond measure for my loving husband who made it possible for me to stay at the hospital. I needed to be there during the last vigil. It was a blessing, as strange as that sounds.

Now, this is even more odd to say, but the second blessing was that Gram finally let go. I had not been afraid for her to die, but I was worried about her being trapped in a body that didn't work and a mind that was playing tricks on her. I was relieved when Gram let go. I was comforted that she wasn't trapped in her mind any more. The loss felt huge, but the blessing was bigger. 

A friend told me of her disappointment when her hubby did not get a position for which he had applied. While he had been hired for another position, she was still discouraged. But then, after several weeks, the person who got the original position was let go and my friend's husband was given the position he originally wanted plus a raise. What a blessing in disguise!

All of this is painful. It was hard to watch Gram decline, and I can only imagine how much harder it was for my dad and his siblings. Yet the release that we are all experiencing from pain, from heartache, and from stress – these are a blessing. That Gram is finally with Christ is a blessing. Do we miss her? YES! But we also rejoice.

So often loss is so painful that I forget to look for the blessings in it. I forget that "God will work all things together for good for those who love him". (Romans 8:28)  He does that. I've seen it over and over again; He blesses me in times of loss when I turn to Him. I contemplate what life looks like after such a loss and how the gap will be filled, if it will be filled. I come to no profound conclusions. But I know – I trust – that He will bring comfort, He will fill the gap. God will bless my life and allow me to be a blessing to others. I rest in this promise.

Lord, God Almighty Help me rest today in the promise you have given to never leave me or forsake me even in times of pain and loss.

God used flour bugs?

I had a plan. I had my day laid out. The first load of laundry was gurgling away. The task list for the week was developed. I had answered emails. It was time to bake. The plan called for 3 types of cookies to be made. Great yumminess!!!

The ingredients began to accumulate on the counter. I was excited to be in the kitchen. The flour canister was depleted, but I knew I had another bag of flour in the pantry. I grabbed the bag and disaster! Bugs! UGH! Tons of the little annoying beetles. Ack! I have had the flour bugs before. I am sick of them. I looked it up on the computer and found out my bugs are called "confused" or "red flour beetles." Confused? OK. Apparently there are two varieties so similar they don't bother distinguishing between them without a microscope. Their eggs are likely in the flour, corn meal, cereal, or whatever when it comes home from the store. Nice. How do I get rid of them? The overwhelming answer across many many web pages was clean, clean and clean some more. There went my plan.  So I pitched the flour and proceeded to pull absolutely everything out of my pantry. I vacuumed and soaped the shelves. I sorted stuff, relegating things to the basement or the goodwill box. I reorganized the shelves. The process took all day.

I was frustrated. I wanted to bake cookies. I didn't want to clean. I really didn't want deal with all the stuff I had crammed into this space. But I did deal with it. I didn't bake. The plan was totally scrapped. I pouted as I went to pick up my girls from school.  I muttered my way through making dinner and finishing dealing with the junk from the pantry. My attitude about the whole thing was ugly. Who wants to clean bugs instead of making cookies?  A very slight satisfaction at the clean and organized pantry helped to mollify my irritation.

Later the girls went to bed and the Admiral & I sat down to watch television. Soon I began feeling queasy. The Admiral had mentioned he didn't feel well. The night wore on and I decided to go to bed. Fast forward a few hours - We are both throwing up repeatedly. There are other horrid symptoms as well. The flu has struck us both full force. We are miserable, wretched people. I am exhausted. I get up with the alarm to get the kids ready for school and must keep running to the bathroom. Finally I call my neighbor and ask her to run the kids to school. I cuddle up to the Admiral on the couch and try to sleep.

Early Wednesday, 36 hours after it hit, the flu seems to be gone. It leaves me weak and very sore. I sit down for my quiet time. While studying the realization hits me like a freight train. If I had baked cookies Monday, I would have had to throw them away. All of them. Since I don't know where I got the flu from or when I was contagious I would have had to pitch everything just to be safe. But wait that means that God used... Bugs.  God used those aggravating little confused beetles to keep my unhealthy  germs out of the kitchen. I wish He has used another tactic. On the other hand I have a very organized, CLEAN pantry. Woot!

Isn't interesting how God works all things together for good? (Romans 8:28) So Monday God used confused flour bugs to keep me out of the kitchen so I wouldn't have to throw out hours of work. Therefore I must be thankful for the confused flour bugs. Scripture says "...rejoice in all things the Lord your God has given to you and your household." (Deuteronomy 26:11)

Lord Jesus - give me a thankful heart. Help me to be thankful in each situation. Guide my attitude every day as you know what is going on and I don't.